Seducing Mr. Right

www.SeducingMrRight.com

Why does a woman cheat? Why does a seemingly happy, committed, family woman, mother, wife, busy with job, soccer, shopping, dinner, and vacations cheat?

Women begin and continue affairs for reasons that are different than men typically cheat. For a man, an affair can often be just that. Men compartmentalize better than women when it comes to these things. They may not even see one as related to another, they have the primary relationship and they engaged in a physical release. Not related. If a woman is tangled in an affair, you can bet the primary relationship is in real trouble.

A woman can be ignored, neglected, put down, and otherwise be disenchanted with a marriage for many years (many, many) and remain in the relationship for lots of reasons. She might throw herself into the kids and the satelite activities orbiting the kids. She might tell herself (and her friends) that he is not what she imagined and her life is no where near what she thought it would be, but who pays the price for that? Will she take the bullet and do her time, making the best of it? Or will she make the kids take the bullet for her? It can be difficult to see any other life possiblities and so she trys and trys to talk to her husband. Husbands, at this juncture, are often rough and brutal with their words. The power is in the man’s hands, it has not yet shifted.

It’s very sad that as he sits in the window of ripe opportunity, he continues the cockiness and pushes her farther away. He has not yet realized he will lose her soon. He doesn’t care right now. When the time arrives that he supremely cares, the window is either closed or just barely cracked. Even at that point, he often engages in the most alienating behaviors that just shoves her heart out the door and another man into their bed. Once he finally sees all clearly, it is so over.

So why do women cheat? What happens to make her go from unhappy housewife to a woman who takes this pleasure and pain for herself? This is a giant leap, life altering and most certainly frowned upon by the PTA. Her friends won’t approve, and the communities of families are unbearably small. The baseball teams are comprised of all of the same kids and coaches for many years, they all grow together and know each other well. She will run into people she knows at the market, the kids school, the coffee shop. She won’t be invited to the pool parties anymore, the “family” stuff. Everyone will know her business and judge her. It becomes a bigger scandal than a husbands comparatively minor slap and tickle with the secretary. She brings her lover into a possible replacement position and she usually does it in a very in-your-face way.

Did you know that the majority of unfaithful women bring a lover into their home, into their marital bed? This is not true of faithless men. The stereotype is that women cheat for love. I don’t think it is that simple, not just love. But married women do cheat for more.

Here are a few reasons people cheat:

1. EXCITEMENT AND ADVENTURE
   Affairs are filled with excitement: a new lover, the chemistry, the desire and anticipation, the secret meetings, intensity, the danger of getting caught. The novelty and forbidden aspect of it is an adventure. It is pretty much a guarantee that excitement and adventure will be intrinsic to an affair.
2. UNDERSTANDING AND COMPANIONSHIP
   People need to feel understood and want that understanding from their spouse. If a spouse hasn’t received that from their partner, there exists a standing vulnerability in the marriage. When that person finds a lover who gives her the understanding and companionship she seeks, it’s indeed a powerful draw.
3. ROMANCE/LOVE
   Real life can be short on “happily ever after”. Some individuals long for romance in their life. These men and women may have never have had romance, or they had it so long ago they have forgotten.  Receiving flowers, writing and having poems written for them, the care of candles and lingerie, hotel rooms with bubble baths, bottles of wine, and the hide-a-way lunches; these entangle the heart.

   Love is to man a thing apart; ’tis women’s whole existence.” Tennyson

   
   

4. LUST/SEX
   If ever there is one factor which is assumed to drive an affair, this is it. For a number of men and women, this certainly exists as the primary reason. Men might be interested in more varied and exciting sex that they may imagine or know their wife will judge as perverted. Or they may be bi-sexual or gay. Women can be strongly drawn to the new lover and crave him in an intense physical way.
5. ONE-NIGHT STAND/OPPORTUNITY
   Curiosity is a factor, for many women and men often have one-night stands because the possibility exists–and the risks are minimal.
6. ATTENTION/ACKNOWLEDGMENT
   Attention and acknowledgment are generally thought of as components of self-esteem. They help to make a person feel desired, still marketable, something that may have disappeared some time ago at home. The importance of self-esteem cannot be underrated. Each of us needs to feel that he or she is a worthy person. Sadly, the affair may indeed begin their path to self-esteem. .
7. REVENGE/TIT FOR TAT
   The typical reason for revenge is that the spouse has had an affair and the other spouse feels some sense of justification to also have an affair, to get back at that spouse or even things up. The revenge does not have to be limited to payback for an affair. It can be payback for another mistreatment like being hit, financial control and degradation, basically anything that had her feeling utterly powerless. It is a way to regain power and declare independence.

There is grave danger to the marriage and the family if a woman takes a lover. What can you do if you are the husband who thinks his wife is on this path? There are a few things you can do, but it is late tonight. Check back in a few days and I’ll tell you what I have seen.

www.SeducingMrRight.com