Seducing Mr. Right

Posts Tagged ‘Dating Men’

Seducing Mr Right- Deception in Online Dating

A recent article shared conclusions from researchers at UC Berkeley’s School of Information. The paper “Self-presentation and Deception in Online Dating” found pretty much what we’ve known all along.

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• Men are more likely to make the first move, sending that first “wink” or email. They’re quicker to respond to women’s queries.
• Women responded to only 16 percent of messages, and they take longer to respond.
• Both genders seek partners similar to themselves in age, education, height, religion, politics and views about smoking.
• Women are less open-minded, at least regarding ethnicity. They’re twice as likely as men to specify that they’re seeking someone of their own ethnicity.
• Both sexes tell white lies. Men say they are a half-inch taller. Women shave five pounds off their weight.
• Women’s profiles related more to home, sex and emotions; men’s profiles talked about work.
• A photograph is the dominant predictor of whether men will connect. Women value narratives in profiles in addition to pictures.

Some of this information was garnered by content analysis of people’s actual online behavior. They tracked people’s actions (who initiated contact, how long it took to respond, words in profiles). But they must have interviewed daters to get the info on what was attractive in a profile, their true height and how much they really weighed.

In another study reported in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, published by a team from Harvard Business School, Boston University and MIT, the conclusion was that less is more in how much is shared in a profile. Their reasoning: when a lot of information is exchanged, more differences are exposed and there is less attraction.

Now this conclusion I found interesting. I suppose it depends on what you are aiming to get out of the online dating experience. Personally, I was interested in meeting someone online BECAUSE of the opportunity to get to know similarities and differences without the pressure of the relationship, regardless of how early into the relationship we were ( like meeting someone at a bar and they start to like everything you like and hate everything you hate), and make decisions based on that information.

But, if you are dating online for the end result of dating, just the action, well, I can see you would want to give as little information as possible while still remaining interesting.

That seems to be such a waste of time to me. I would so much rather eliminate people that are clearly incompatible ( and I hope they would do the same to me) than date despite the core differences and try to make it work anyway.

I speak from experience. Marrying someone who doesn’t like who you really are is no fun for anyone.

Anyway, what do you think of these two studies? Anything here but common sense?

Mark August 10, 2010 at 7:58 am

I never liked putting a photo up. It bothered me to think of people I know possibly seeing my pic on an online dating site. I was always fine with exchanging pics after a woman and I had emailed a couple of times.

And I agree that there is a balance between not enough info and too much. The real problem I see is that people say the same things over and over again.

“I’m not into playing games.”

“I want to be friends first.”

“I am just as comfortable staying home and cuddling in front of the TV as I am in going out in my little black dress.”

“I like to go to museums and wineries.”

“My friends say I’m funny.”

“I like to go out and have a good time and laugh a lot.” Really? You enjoy laughing? At long last my search is over! I’ve found another who enjoys laughing!

When I read things like that above, what I’m really reading in nothing. It says nothing to me other than the woman lacks imagination. What I really want to see is some spark of intelligence in the profile. I don’t care if she likes museums. I do care if she tells me what she likes about museums — what’s her favorite exhibit she’s seen? Is there an art movement she especially likes, and why?

What a good profile does is convey a sense of the person.

I also think women respond to fewer messages because women get more messages. Men pursue. Women choose.

Seducing Mr Right- Top 10 Dating Mistakes You Need to Avoid

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Have you watched Millionaire Matchmaker? It’s a show where a “matchmaker” sets up millionaire men who, it appears, cannot find dates on their own with attractive women.

At first glance, you think, “You’ve got to be kidding.” But watch the show. The funny thing is, you can nearly immediately figure out why they are single. There is typically some glaring flaw that the single millionaire doesn’t see in himself. As the viewer, it’s easy to see. The dating mistakes men make…

But that’s the benefit of NOT being the one on display. It’s easy to see the flaws in others, but we live with ourselves. We know why we do the things we do. We have REASONS why we do the things we do.

And sometimes these relationship mistakes are stopping us from getting what we really want.

In this case, Mr. Right.

The Top 10 Dating Mistakes to Avoid on Your First Date…(or many dates, actually)

1. Put Your Cell Away: And don’t look at it Everyone is very busy these days and he carved time out of his schedule to give you his attention (and probably buy you a meal). Give him the gift of your full attention. It’s incredibly rude to check your texts and voice mails, let alone take a call. It might not seem like it when YOU are the one on the phone, but let him do it to you and trust me, it’s going to be irritating.
2. The Ex-Factor: Um. Seems obvious, but you want to at least APPEAR available. If you go on about your ex you do yourself a disservice, actually several. Regardless of how obvious it seems to you that your ex is a jerk and did everything wrong, some of your blame WILL be obvious to the other person. We are all flawed and it’s fine once someone knows you enough to give you room for your screw-ups. But a first date is “best foot forward” time. Save the crazy for later. Secondly, it will look like he is still front of mind enough that he is your topic of conversation. Not what the new guy want to think.
3. Eat: Let your appetite be reflective of your appetite. Here’s why. Sensuality is wrapped up with lots of things, physicality, flirting, eye contact….food and drink are two on the list. I am NOT saying binge and PROVE you can match him drink for drink. I AM saying, be real. It works in your favor.
4. Drunk = Loss of Respect: Don’t think it’s “cool”. It’s the opposite. They MIGHT see you again, but you will never be in the “serious” category you will be in the “lay” category. A first date fumble like that is likely unrecoverable. And don’t throw up in his car. Also not hot.
5. Don’t Leave Your Brain at Home: Playing dumb is not sexy and adorable. It is dumb. Confidence is sexy. Bright is sexy. Humor is sexy. Oh my god I am so helpless and stupid show me everything because I am so frail is just pathetic. Pathetic is not sexy either. There are better ways to get attention. Be yourself and contribute to the experience. You’ll both have a better time.
6. My Children Are My Life: Really? Then stay home. You are not auditioning for mother. You are auditioning for position of  life partner. Let me point out that your kids are in your daily life for at most 20 years. If you are planning on living 80, you may want to pay attention to your significant other. There is no need to explain what the mother/child relationship entails. Everyone’s pretty up on that. Going out of your way to say, “Best case scenario, you’re coming in second.” doesn’t feel great to anyone. Leave the kids at home.
7. Be on Time: Waiting is painful. Again, does not look cool, fashionable, or anything good. You know what it looks like? Looks like you’re late and can’t get your cuss together to be on time. If you’re going for the whole flaky vibe, late works.
8. High Maintenance: Not good. What does that mean? It means don’t be difficult, rude, demanding. Don’t order the most expensive thing on the menu. Don’t be disappointed if he takes you for tacos. Don’t ask him what kind of car he drives. Do you really want him worrying about whether or not he can afford to take you out again? It’s your job to give yourself the lifestyle you want, not his. Don’t make him feel the financial burden of YOU on a date! Don’t go on about all of the amazing places other men have taken you/things they have bought you/how much $ they made/expensive cars you like and MY GOD don’t ask him to buy you anything. Seriously.
9. Nobody Wants to Sex Up Frump Girl/If You’re Showing Vag You’re Trying too Hard: So there is a lot of gray area in between the black and the white. Let’s see…be sexy, for sure. But UNDERSTATED sexy is best. What does that mean? Or better, what does that look like? It looks classy, but fitted, a little short, ABSOLUTELY high heels (this is not a PTA meeting), your BEST makeup including a smokey eye if you can do it right. I means you took care to get ready. It means you FEEL smokin’ hot (but not slutty).
10. Let Him Be the MAN: Aggressive and dominant don’t work on a first date (unless you’re being paid for it, but that’s a whole different blog). You might be Ms. Ball-buster career woman at work, and god knows it takes toughness to be a single mother running a household, but you are NOT at work and no one is negotiating their interest rate tonight. Be feminine and let him be masculine. Allow the process to flow naturally. Don’t steer it or push it. Don’t take the lead in a kiss. Don’t ask for a second date or even hint about it (it’s not subtle, it’s really not). You might offer to pay for your portion of the meal, but only offer once (he will 99% of the time decline), then graciously accept. Be thankful.

Have fun, be yourself, be polite, be thankful. Even if you don’t find that amazing spark, you will meet a lot of interesting people in your dating experience and your life will be richer for it.

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Seducing Mr Right may be the goal, but sometimes you have to get rid of Mr Wrong.

If you have the uneasy feeling that your husband is having an extramarital affair, Valentine’s Day is the ideal time to confirm what you suspect. The Valentine’s Day gift he gives his mistress or the gift he receives from her in return, can provide you with proof of his infidelity.

If your husband has a lover he’s certain to buy her a Valentine’s Day gift; whether he receives one in return or not. This could prove to be his undoing. An observant wife can find valuable clues about her husband’s infidelity, if she knows what to look for and where to look.

He Has to Give His Mistress a Gift

A husband can get away with giving his wife a last-minute card and a hastily purchased box of chocolates. But it’s almost a sure bet that on Valentine’s Day, he’ll give his mistress a special gift. And it won’t be a cheap token of his affection. If he wants to stay in her good graces (and in her bed) he has to buy an impressive gift.

A Valentine’s Day gift suitable for a mistress will cost a cheating husband a nice piece of change. Regardless of whether he pays by cash, check or charge, there will usually be a paper trail. If you know what to look for and where to look, you’ll find evidence of his spending somewhere.

You DESERVE The Truth

What to Look For

Have there been any suspicious withdrawals from your bank accounts? Check the time period shortly before or after Valentine’s Day. What about unexplained ATM withdrawals around this time?

Check your credit card statements for the month of February. Call customer service and ask them to give you the most recent charges made on the account. Be alert for charges made at jewelry stores, women’s specialty stores, or boutiques, florists, day spas, restaurants and the like. Pay special attention to any charges made on February 14th.

Check your husband’s wallet, pockets, backpack, or briefcase for charge slips or store receipts. If you find evidence of gift items which you didn’t personally receive, it should sound a warning bell. If your husband didn’t give the gifts to you, who did he give them to?

Where Else to Look

Check various places in and around your home for hidden gifts — under the bed, in the back of a file cabinet or dresser drawer, on the back of the closet floor, or on a seldom used shelf.

Don’t forget to search the car too. Look underneath the seat, in the trunk, in the glove compartment and in the tire well.

If you find a hidden gift, don’t jump to conclusions unless it’s obvious the gift is not for you (too large, too small, a color or style that he knows you wouldn’t wear, or has another woman’s name attached).

If Valentine’s Day passes and you haven’t received the hidden gift (but it’s now gone), then it’s obvious that he gave the gift to someone else. Make it your business to find out who.

Carol’s Story

Shortly before Valentine’s Day, Carol found a box in her husband’s sock drawer containing a diamond and sapphire ring. She said nothing because she didn’t want to spoil the surprise.

But on Valentine’s Day Jim gave Carol a dozen long stem roses and a gift certificate for a day of pampering at her favorite day spa. The next day Carol searched high and low but the ring box could not be found.

She spent several sleepless nights trying to figure out what had become of the ring. Three weeks later Carol dropped by Jim’s office to meet him for lunch.

One of his co-workers was wearing a ring similar to the one in the box. It didn’t take Carol long to find out Jim and this woman were having an affair.

Laura’s Story

Laura found a gift box containing a sexy negligee in the trunk of her husband’s car. He tried to pass it off as a gift he purchased for her but the gown was several sizes too small.

No amount of persuasion on his part could convince Laura the salesclerk put the wrong size in the box by mistake. Especially since she had already found other telltale signs of a possible affair.

Other Telltale Signs of a Cheating Husband

Be suspicious if your husband receives an expensive gift of any kind this month. Especially if he claims to have purchased the item for himself, but can’t produce a charge slip or sales receipt.

Likewise, warning bells should sound if your husband receives a gift of an extremely personal nature, in February or at any other time. No woman other than yourself should be giving your husband silk boxer shorts — unless it’s his mother or his sister. (And even then, you should check to make sure.)

Take notice if your husband is missing for several hours on February 14th. Be wary if he invents excuses to come home late, or to run an errand later on, on Valentine’s night. These could be additional telltale signs.

-Ruth Houston

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Seduce Mr Right into your very own super sexy Valentine!

Ladies, lighten up in the bedroom.

I was watching Cougar Town the other day (yes I am embarrassed). Courtney Cox plays a woman who sleeps with the first guy after she is semi-recently divorced. She is rating the experience with her girlfriends and she admits to being not-quite-a-six in the bedroom!

It’s interesting to me because I would think we are all trying to be spectacular in the bedroom! Don’t we all want to be “the best ever” memory?

Sex is incredible important to all of us, but more so for men. If you want to seduce Mr Right, bring some game to the bedroom (seems overly obvious).

The book, “She Comes First” is an amazing guide for men. Absolutely loaded with precious information to make a man into a VERY skilled lover. It’s funny, but I have been with mediocre lovers and suggested the book (not directly in the you are crap in bed read this way, but still) and the lame lovers without fail show no interest in the book.

Are we as women doing the same thing?

Probably.

Things I have heard: “I am just up, down, up, down, bored to death waiting for him to cum.” “I fake it just to get it over with.” ” There is no point in Viagra. It’s just bang bang bang all about him anyway.” “I can do the tie-up thing. I just laugh.” “I couldn’t wear that.” “I could never use a vibrator.” “I have never masturbated.” “I can’t orgasm.” “Oral is gross.” “I hate cum. It’s disgusting.” “I hate that thing poking into my back.”

The attitude is off. Sex is FUN. Crazy. Wild. Open. Intense.

Do it all. Try it all.

What are you afraid of?

Women are afraid of men recoiling in horror as you try something new which turns out to be over-the-top whorish never to be looked at the same again. He won’t.

It’s all about attitude girls. Men love sex. All men. The porn industry isn’t in business because it is a repulsive turn off. And YOUR man ISN’T different. He will DIE if you try something fun and different.

Learn to give a slow and sexy blow job. Swallow. Why is that so challenging? Swallowing is approval and affirmation that you are in to him and adore everything about him. Spitting him out is spitting him out. The simple simple act of swallowing can take a not-quite-a-six blow job into a spectacular 10…at least that’s how he will remember it!

Wear what he likes! Some men are after pink and white ruffle girly girls and some men are after the red and black seductress. Most men want both.

The five senses are excellent sex toys. If you haven’t tried it, you are missing an intense experience. Anytime you take one sense out of the picture, the others are heightened. The act of blindfolding or being blindfolded is far more intense than it should be. The anticipation of unknown touch is thrilling and the graze of the hand becomes electric.

Wearing an iPod or having him wear one creates a similar dynamic. Chose the music he really likes or make a sexy play-list and put it on him. His attention can only be on the sensation your touch is providing. You can give him a sexy massage or go down on him…whatever you do will be intensified.

Wax candles are also an unusual experience. Jimmyjane has very sexy/classy candles that are designed for this and keep the wax at a slightly lower temp than the normal ones. The trick to candles is, again, anticipation. Hold the candle higher than might come naturally to give the wax a moment to cool a bit on the way down. A slow, sexy, thin drizzle is what you are looking for. Then massage it into his skin. The thrill of what is about to happen combined with the warmth of the wax and your touch, is highly pleasurable.

Jimmyjane is carried by W Hotels. I would consider them the La Perla of the sex game. If you are a  little shy to jump in to this kind of sex, Jimmyjane is sexy and elegant, making it easy to introduce. “Jimmyjane’s winning combo of elegance, clever detail, and superior construction encourages even prudish types to grab a piece of the pleasure pie.” – Time Out New York

Turn up the heat early. Learn how to play with seductive texting!